adverse reactions

Mitchell is currently paying for his weekend of football and fun.  He's been wiped since his return as is his usual after a trip up "North".  Last night he developed another strange pain in his shoulder.  This led to me rifling through prescription notes and rustling through pill bottles near the middle of the night in search of a painkiller that wouldn't react adversely to the gleevec. 

Today brought more exhaustion and nausea and even some vomiting.  Thankfully the experience has been bad/inconvenient enough to make Mitchell call the Cancer Center for support.  He has an appointment with a nutritionist in the morning.  Hopefully he'll get some ideas about how to handle his stomach issues because if he can't take the pills, it's not going to impact the cancer.

next

Newest experimental treatment involves Gleevec and Celebrex taken orally.  Mitchell has an appointment with Dr. Brown tomorrow to get things started.

Let's hope this has some affect.

more love-hate

Mitchell's MRI was read this morning, and everything is clear in his brain.  WHEW!  The headaches are definitely being caused by the abraxane. 

On a negative tip, the oncologist and a specialist have had an opportunity to compare Mitchell's last CT with the most recent PET scan.  The experimental treatment is not working.  His tumor markers have elevated since beginning the new treatment....So it's back to the drawing board so to speak.  The abraxane/avastin has been discontinued as of this morning.  Mitchell was supposed to have treatment on Friday, but it is being put on hold until Dr. Brown can consult with a colleague to decide what the next steps are. 

friday

Mitchell has an MRI scheduled for Friday.  That sick, fluttery feeling in my stomach has already begun.  He's been really struggling this week.  Headaches.  Exhaustion.  Breathlessness.  The headaches have been severe enough to cause him to actually take the meds Dr. Brown prescribed to fight the pain.  Unfortunately, they don't seem to do much.  I'm having difficulty deciding whether these symptoms are a result of treatment or cancer.  This morning I found myself running through a list of possible headache triggers aloud.  Decided I need to starting logging Mitchell's symptoms between treatments.  Maybe there's a pattern there that'll help me know what to expect and when.

Taylor's first dance is happening this Friday too.  I'm excited for her, but a little sad too.  She quietly confessed to me that she was the "only one" that hadn't been asked.  She shrugged it off but it's evident she's bothered.  Everyone likes to be asked, right?  I gave her the same line my mom gave me a million years ago when I was bemoaning a similar plight, "Boys are just intimidated by your beauty and confidence." 

I didn't believe her when she used it on me either.

scan

Mitchell's PET scan was read yesterday and the good news is....We're in the same place we were in back in May.  Chances are the cancer is still growing but SLOWLY.  So that is a good thing.  This particular appointment was remarkable to me because Mitchell was more straight-forward about the symptoms and pains he's been having.  He has an MRI on his brain scheduled for next Friday in order to rule out metastases there.  More than likely,the headaches that he's been having are probably a result of the abraxane. 

Dr. Brown still feels like Mitchell is holding up very well considering we are on month 19 of almost nonstop chemotherapy.  Unfortunately the doctor believes that he will only be able to tolerate 3 or 4 more administrations of these drugs due to the diminished reflexes and the increased neuropathy. 

It's still funny to me to hear people say that Mitchell looks good, even though it doesn't bug me like it did before.  I think it's interesting that people are comforted by the idea that a person with this level of advanced disease looks good.  To me, it's the opposite.  It scares the shit out of me that something that destructive can hide out in your body like that with minimal outward symptoms.

love-hate

Friday, Mitchell is scheduled to have his 2nd PET scan.  Scans are a double-edged sword.  I want the information, but I'm afraid of it.  I'm not sure if it's better to be an optimist or pessimist.  With pessimism, you can be pleasantly surprised.  Optimism can leave you feeling like you've been mugged. 

Maybe I can try on optimistic pessimism?

beginnings

The start of the 2010-2011 school year! 

Can you believe this is Dylan's last year of elementary?

Taylor is really growing up.

right now

We are at the midpoint of summer break, and Mitchell's got his second experimental treatment well under his belt.  The abraxane comes with more physical pain than the previous treatments.  Mitchell's legs and feet have been taking a lot of abuse...He's been taking each day as it comes and dealing with it like a trooper.  Headaches have also been a problem.

The older girls are just about ready for break to be over.  Mommy was ready about 2 weeks ago.

new developments

Pleurisy is Mitchell's newest cancer-related diagnosis...He'd been experiencing chest pain and ended up in the ER last Friday as a result.  He left with yet another prescription  and a vague understanding of exactly what the diagnosis meant. 

I myself am not sure exactly how this new ailment will impact him in the long run.  As soon as I saw his discharge paperwork, I was googling "pleurisy".  I did find out that pleura is an actual thing.  Also I discovered that it can be related to a variety of primary diagnoses, none of which being colorectal cancer.  Mitchell's visit to the ACC did reveal that the condition is sometimes related to pulmonary embolisms.

new treatment

Mitchell FINALLY went back to see the oncologist this morning.  His new chemotherapy begins this Friday.  They decided on a combination of abraxane and avastin every three weeks.  Avastin he has been on before, so we know the evils of that drug but we'll have to wait and see as far as the abraxane is concerned.  Typically this combination of drugs is used for advanced breast cancer patients.  For this reason, our insurance company will most likely refuse to pay for these infusions.  We are still hoping to receive a compassionate use dosage from the company that makes it.  Let's all keep our fingers crossed...

There was also talk of an on-going clinical trail that is available in the Tucson area for colorectal cancer.  It's good to have a back up back up plan. 

Mitchell is having mixed feelings about starting treatment again.  Okay, that's kind of a lie...He hates the idea of starting again.  It's hard for me because I can imagine how he must feel, but I am glad he's going to be getting treatment again.  When he's off treatment, all I can think about is that the cancer is killing him.

still

Still no word about when treatment will start again. 

It seems I'm the only person around who feels like throwing a temper tantrum about the whole thing.

waiting game

 Mitchell still has not restarted treatment.  The more time that passes, the more anxious I feel.  If the cancer was growing while he was on treatment, I can only imagine what it's doing in there while it's free and clear.  The oncologist has lost all sense of urgency. 

My glass half empty perspective makes me feel like our chances of having a positive outcome are getting more and more narrow.  It scares me.

the latest

The meeting with Mitchell's oncologist went about as I expected it would.  The scan showed that there are no positive changes in Mitchell's tumors (please notice Dr. Brown now refers to them as "tumors" and not "lesions"), especially in the liver.  We were presented with two choices--clincal trials or experimental treatment.

So what does that mean?    His current treatment has been stopped, and he is scheduled to have a liver biopsi late next week.  The sample will go through a series of tests to come up with a cancer profile, which will, in theory, allow the doctors to better treat Mitchell's cancer.  This whole process is considered experimental, but we have been assured that this is the cutting edge of cancer treatment technology.

On the good side, Mitchell will be given a much needed treatment break while the profile is generated.  Of course the pessimist in me worries that while not on treatment, his cancer will run rampant but I've managed to keep those thoughts at bay for the most part.

Meanwhile, Mitchell has developed some trouble with blood clots.  He is currently on twice-daily meds for a pulmonary embellism that developed on Friday.  Doctors believe that the clots are a result of one of the chemo meds.  He's taking it easy, and we are being watchful for any warning signs.

the un-break

Spring Break is right around the corner, and may I say that I am NOT looking forward to 20 consecutive non-school days plunked right in the middle of March.  Everytime I get on facebook I am reminded of how beloved this spring holiday used to be to me.  All my teacher-friends can think of little else other than what fun they will be having without their students.  I used to be them.  I would count down the days beginning that first day back from Christmas break.

Alas that is I no longer.  I'm now on the team rooting for shorter and less frequent school breaks.  In fact, year round boarding school is looking fabulous right about now.

i'm not your superwoman

One of the many, many things that I find more and more irritating these days is the idea of Mom as Superwoman.  Yeah...I realize this isn't a new thing.  TV's been trying to get us to swallow this pill for years, but it seems like a number of us maternal-types are buying. 

The majority of the women I seem to encounter are clearly all from the same school for over-achievers.  They are everything to everyone at all times and smiley and pleasant while they do it. 

It makes me want to puke. 

don't blink

Last month brought two important birthdays in the Harris household. My firstborn turned eleven, and Hayden is now a one year old. Hard to believe that time passes so quickly. It seems like just yesterday I was calling Stephanie to ask what she thought about the huge, warm puddle that had appeared beneath me on my bed as we chatted away. It passes in what seems the blink of an eye. One minute I'm wishing for everyone in the house to be able to wipe their own poopy asses, and the next we're trying for a third baby and beginning again. And while I'm looking forward to the time when once again everyone can wipe themselves, I am enjoying each moment with my girls. Even though Taylor is moody and Dylan never stops telling random, tv-inspired stories and Hayden is still nursing and bites sometimes, I love every second.

arms akimbo

More unsettling news in the Land of the Harrises and Colorectal Cancer. Mitchell's chemo has been altered due to unsatisfactory progress (or lack thereof). It seems those pesky cancer cells are fighting with renewed vigor in the liver and hanging pretty tough in the lung. Doc Brown has added a biologic to the treatment mix. Unfortunately this infusion has to be administered weekly. Fortunately, the chemotherapy infusion schedule remains the same (every 21 days). Amazingly Mitchell continues to fare pretty well despite the chemotherapy. He has gained weight (mostly, due to the steroid-decadron- he takes to control some of the more adverse side affects of the chemo) and is able to go about his business pretty consistently. It is still difficult for me to believe we are in the middle of all this. Even more difficult to believe we are going on Year 2. I often wonder how long Mitchell can keep this up.

like it's 1999

waiting for my second wind

Christmas 2009 is almost over. We sit, exhausted in the midst of discarded wrapping paper and items still needing to be packed for The Harrises' Christmas Vacation: Part Deux. And even though I can't imagine how we will be ready to depart in the morning, this feeling right now beats the hell out of what I was feeling last year about this time.

booger nose

Hayden has been sick for a couple of weeks now. Coughing and hacking...Clogged noses...Steam showers in the wee hours of the night. Lots and lots of green clumps of mucus. Vomiting mucus...Running mucus... It's truly disgusting. And scary because, I don't know if you realize this, but babies don't naturally breathe through their mouths. Yeah...Mouth breathers are not actually BORN mouth breathers...That happens later. Who knew, right?

The traditional snot sucking method wasn't really working (you've seen that institutional green bulb they send you home from the hospital with). And after three or so nights of trying to sleep sitting up with the Hay, I was frazzled. And exhausted. Then...A revelation. My girl, Rachel, mentioned a blog she did about boogers and how she had come across this NoseFrida contraption. Really? You want me to suck snot from my child's head. GAG. Any other time, I would have made a snide comment and moved on, but you see, I was desperate.

The thing is...This sucker WORKS! Amazingly well! It is (as previously mentioned) an effing revelation in baby booger management. Granted I gag every time I have to clean the thing post-use, but it clears out her nose, and I haven't scraped the inside of her delicate little petunia of a nose raw in the process.