the part that comes after

Numb and yet strangely raw are the predominant feelings.  Trying to make sense of this part.  Still so hard to believe that he is no longer with us.  This all seems impossible.

memorial

On Saturday, November 27 at 2 pm we will celebrate Mitchell's life at St. John's Lutheran Church, 7205 N 51 AVE, Glendale, AZ 85302. We look forward to seeing the family and friends that will join us. For those joining us in spirit and in prayer, the girls and I thank you.




Cards and Flowers can be sent to Best Funeral Services, 9380 W Peoria AVE, Peoria, AZ 85345. ♥

Mitchell passed away last night.  He lost his battle with cancer, but he was able to do it on his terms.  He fought until the last moment he was with us.  We will love him always.

trial

Mitchell made it through his first clinical trial treatment, but it wasn't easy.  He spent almost 11 hours at the Cancer Center on Tuesday.  After a day full of constant monitoring of his heart, blood sticks, urine monitoring and general data collection, Mitchell was wiped out.  For the first time in his treatment, he had to leave the Center in a wheelchair.

Since the treatment he seems to be more and more tired.  He has been good about resting.  The swelling in his legs and feet continue.  He has been sleeping in bits and pieces throughout the day and early evening.  During the night, sleeps seems to evade him.

I worry constantly about his pain; even though he says he is fine.  

We are spending a lot of careful time together.  It's important to say what needs to be said.  And listen.  And just be together.

clinical-day one

Mitchell is on his way to his first infusion with the new clinical as I type this.  He will be there ALL day because of the constant heart monitoring, blood samples and pee collecting the study requires. 

After all this, I find myself still crossing my fingers.

confirmation

Dr. Brown confirmed that Mitchell's liver is failing.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see it, but your mind does interesting things to protect us from really terrible truths.  We would have hospice here, but he has been granted a waiver and been allowed to continue ahead with the Aztec Clinical Trial.  And as long as he's still actively pursuing treatment, hospice cannot come.  I'm glad that Mitchell is a fighter.  The girls and I need him to continue to fight right now.  But I know there will be a time when he won't be able to push back any longer.  I'm just not ready for it today.

My dad is coming to stay with us.  I'm so thankful that he is able and willing to do this. If I'm honest though...I don't want anyone else here.  That's not realistic right now.  We need the help.  

I am thankful to have Mitchell, who is the strongest, most selfless person I have ever known.  Through all of this, he continues to put myself and the girls first.  He doesn't wallow in the questions that I know I would be consumed with at a time like this.  He faces each day with bravery and resolve and loves us and supports us through it all. 

update

Mitchell's been going through a lot of prep for the upcoming clinical he's been accepted to.  Last week it was EKGs and blood work.  This week it's scans of every kind and more blood work. 

Physically you can see him getting weaker.  He's had more pain, more shortness of breath, more stomach issues.  Less sleep, less activity.

Emotionally he is still doing well.  He's strong mentally.  So strong he can almost make me believe.