almost there

Only 14 days until we begin a new chapter. I am only too ready to leave behind the sharp and painful memories that reside here. Granted leaving this place won't eliminate those memories, but it will put some much needed distance between them and myself.

pieces

The material pieces of our lives are not us. They may be reminiscent of us or help tell others how we perceive ourselves, but they are not us. The letting go of these possessions does not mean we are discarding loved ones. Our loved ones live in our hearts and our minds and our actions. They are there behind our eyes waiting for us to reminisce with them and laugh with them and even cry a little too. But things like clothing and cars and yes, even houses, those are just things. Our loved ones travel with us, no matter where the rest of our lives take us.

Mitchell passed away last night.  He lost his battle with cancer, but he was able to do it on his terms.  He fought until the last moment he was with us.  We will love him always.

goodnight

For me endings are always difficult. The idea of letting go causes me to struggle to hold on even tighter, grasping to prolong the moment. An impossibility, I know. But I can't seem to help myself. I am unable to stop the tumult of images and deep-seated fears from rushing in and taking me in a head lock. I worry. About the pain being felt. The fears that must be present. The inevitable end the must and will come. The loss that those remaining will be left to contend with. I fight to remain rational. Act like a grown up. And yet still it trickles out. Settling between my shoulders. I wrestle it back again and trick myself into believing that it's not really forever. It's just for awhile. Not really a goodbye, but just a goodnight.