things i want to go away

• Super-competitive moms: I don't care if your kid gets honor roll in the third grade. It's the 3rd fucking grade.
• Huggers: Hello, Goodbye, Glad to see you, I like your new rug...None of these situations call for us to hug.
• Cicadas and waterbugs: I'm sick of fishing your corpses out of my pool. Learn from your ancestors already.
• Pushy neighbors: I don't want to join your church, take care of your kids, or form any other sort of intimate emotional bond.
• The phrase "I'm bored; there's nothing to do.": Thank GOD summer's only 7 weeks long. My children wouldn't survive 3 months.
• Let's-do-it-together moms: I like to do things on my own. If I get eaten by a coyote on my solo morning walk, that's my problem. There's no need for us to get our husbands the same gift for Father's Day; that's just weird. Have an original thought for once.
• Backhanded compliments: Be like me, just say nothing.