anticipation

• queasy, fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach
• fixation on elements I can't control
• tension in my shoulders
• constant  wondering, hoping, wishing
• persistent feeling of nervousness
• vomitous

moment of gratitude

• Taylor
• Dylan
• Hayden
• Every minute
• Naps
• Laughter

developments

Mitchell's new chemo protocol has brought some new developments. Some good; some bad. Pluses

• No oral chemo meds
• Currently down to 2 chemo drugs rather than 3
• More non-sick time due to lack of oral meds
• Neuropathy seems to be slowly going away

Minuses

• More intense sick time after treatment days
• New and improved side effects from new infusion drug
• Hair loss has begun

inertia

• Lumpy
• Unwilling
• Exhausting
• Weighted
• Blah
• Disinterested
• Thick-headed
• Sloth-like
• Stuck

My grandma forwarded this to me today. I think it's got some lessons important enough to share.

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio "To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else. 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".

26. Always choose life.

27. Forgive everyone everything.

28. What other people think of you is none of your business..

29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

32. Believe in miracles.

33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

36. Your children get only one childhood.

37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere..

39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

41. The best is yet to come.

42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

43. Yield.

44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

why i heart kettle korn

• Prevents me from working on more important tasks I should be completing, e.g. laundry, packing for everyone in the house but me, cleaning, reading, working.
• Random, hard as a rock, break your tooth un-popped kernels allow me to practice my filtering while eating skills.
• Eating half a bag while hiding in my bedroom after a long day of sitting in silence brings a stone in my stomach comfort that wasn't there before.
• Love trying to dig corn husks out the space between my gums and teeth with any razor sharp object handy. Woo hoo!
• Salty-sweet flavor satisfies like nothing else can.

diarrhea

• Stomach cramps
• Loud bubbling noises emanating from my mid-section
• 300 trips to the toilet
• Prayers to the heavens to make it stop
• Adobe mud huts
• Ring of fire

intentions

This year I hope to:

• Continue my quest to live in the moment
• Make dinner 4 nights a week
• Really listen
• Be more active
• Save more
• Find furniture for the living room
• Get to the hospital in time for an epidural
• Stay in touch
• Loosen up
• Watch less reality TV
• Read more
• Make those valences
• Use the pool more
• Beat the cancer

wish list

• Pathology report to come back clean
• Mitchell home by Christmas Eve
• Life to go back to normal

Because I am a Copy Cat

100 Things to Do Before I Die stolen from Naomi Accomplished items are in bold 1. Started my own blog 2. Slept under the stars (I never enjoyed it though) 3. Played in a band (high school marching band geek) 4. Visited Hawaii 5. Watched a meteor shower 6. Given more than I can afford to charity 7. Been to Disneyland 8. Climbed a mountain 9. Held a praying mantis 10. Sang a solo (while playing the accordion) 11. Bungee jumped 12. Visited Paris 13. Watched a lightning storm at sea 14. Taught myself an art from scratch 15. Adopted a child 16. Had food poisoning (during college at Bunhuggers) 17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty 18. Grown my own veggies (grew cherry tomatoes this summer) 19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France 20. Slept on an overnight train 21. Had a pillow fight 22. Hitch hiked (although I have picked up a hitch hiker, does that count?) 23. Taken a sick day when I'm not ill (duh) 24. Built a snow fort 25. Held a lamb 26. Gone skinny dipping 27. Run a marathon (yeah, does training for one count?) 28. Ridden a gondola in Venice 29. Seen a total eclipse 30. Watched a sunrise or sunset 31. Hit a home run 32. Been on a cruise 33. Seen Niagara Falls in the flesh 34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors 35. Seen an Amish community 36. Taught myself a new language 37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied 38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person 39. Gone rock climbing 40. Seen Michelangelo's David 41. Sung karaoke 42. Seen Old Faithful erupt 43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant 44. Visited Africa 45. Walked on a beach by moonlight 46. Been transported by ambulance 47. Have my portrait painted 48. Gone deep sea fishing 49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person 50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris 51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling 52. Kissed in the rain 53. Played in the mud 54. Gone to a drive-in 55. Been in a movie 56. Visited the Great Wall of China 57. Started a business (helped start a Foundation) 58. Taken a martial arts class (Tae Kwon Do in college--hiya!) 59. Visited Russia 60. Served at a soup kitchen 61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies 62. Gone whale watching 63. Got flowers for no reason 64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma 65. Gone sky diving 66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp 67. Bounced a check 68. Flown in a helicopter 69. Saved a favorite childhood toy 70. Visited Lincoln Memorial 71. Eaten Caviar 72. Pieced a quilt 73. Stood in Times Square 74. Toured the Everglades 75. Been fired from a job 76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London 77. Broken a bone 78. Been on a speeding motorcycle 79. Seen the Grand Canyon 80. Published a book 81. Visited the Vatican 82. Bought a brand new car 83. Walked in Jerusalem 84. Had my picture in the newspaper 85. Read the entire Bible (really?) 86. Visited the White House 87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 88. Had chicken pox 89. Saved some one's life 90. Sat on a jury 91. Met someone famous 92. Joined a book club 93. Lost a loved one 94. Had a baby 95. Seen the Alamo in person 96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake 97. Been involved in a law suit 98. Owned a cell phone 99. Been stung by a bee 100. Read an entire book in one day Conclusions drawn from this list: I need to go BACK to Europe and I should travel the US more. And I agree with Naomi. How is Adopting a child a general MUST DO for everyone? Weird.