hold up

Don't you hate it sometimes when you get what you want, and then you're like, Oh wait, did I really want that?

helper mom

So today was the second in a row that I volunteered in my kids' school library. I have no idea what prompted this. We were in there one day last week, and all of a sudden I'm asking the librarian lady does she need any help with end of the year stuff. What was I thinking? I have no idea. So now that's what I've done from 12:30 to 2:15 pm for the last 2 days.

It's interesting being back in a school atmosphere. It's comforting and a little disturbing to discover that no matter where you go, most schools are EXACTLY the same. People bitch about admin, the teacher next door, why they are the only one that does anything, ever... and on and on and on... Having been there done that, I completely understand the pathology. I do think it's strange, however, what teachers and staff will say in front of their community stakeholders (sorry, ed leadership verbage coming back to me).

I would think you'd want to "put your best foot forward" so to speak... I'm just thanking my lucky stars (again) that I'm not in that place A-N-Y-M-O-R-E.

my life

I realize I've got time on my hands that a lot of people don't. I'm not driving into work anymore (Thanks, Caroline). The girls' school is about 3 minutes away from the house. Both my kids are in school from 7:30 to 2:15 (Thank You, Jesus).

I make a lot of smoothies, much to my brother's chagrin (for whatever reason he hates this, thus I make it a point to call or text him each time I fire up the blender). I clean the house (wood floors and a dirt filled back yard don't make for clean floors and have I mentioned the girls' penchant for getting poop on the toilet seat? Weird.). I read Naomi's, Lizzy's and Rachel's blogs. I do actual work (it's data season, you know). I watch a ton of bad television programming (I am so excited for Shut Up and DANCE! to start again). And I shop for house crap.

I just ordered this adorable, round rug for our downstairs bathroom from anthropologie.com.

Isn't she sweet? I can't wait til she gets here.

everybody loves a fair

You've gotta love the fair. I know I do. There's nothing like blowing a hundred plus bucks to entertain your family with rickety rides, rigged carnival games and heart attack inducing fried treats. It's not just mind-blowing fun though; the fair's got rules.

Always bring your baby to the fair. The younger the better. Babies love the loud noises, seizure-inducing strobe lights and clouds of cigarette smoke. Their strollers are especially good for lugging around all your carnival crap. Fill it up. The baby will make room.

Always wear your most revealing going-out boobie shirt to the fair. If you've got 8 inches of cleavage, flaunt it. It doesn't matter if the temperature is below 60 degrees. Break out your breasts and give the male carnies something to ogle. They work long hours. They deserve a shot of your shaboobies.

Couples should always plan to make out while standing in the center of the midway. The sloppier the better. Dueling tongues and liters of saliva are key.

Natural eyebrows are OUT while attending the fair. Women should definitely shave their natural brows completely off and draw on better ones. The thinner the better. Oh. Fair eyebrows are always either sharpie black or burnt orange. Please make a note of it.

Older men should always wear their favorite sports team outfit to the fair. If you love the Bears, prove it. You should be head to toe navy and orange; the more team logos the better.

Parents should always allow their tween girls to roam the fair sans parental supervision. However, before abandoning prepubescent youth, encourage them to dress up like mini-tramps. This includes full face make up, super tight short shorts and aforementioned boobie shirts (minus the cleavage). Be sure to drop them off prior to fair opening and do not pick them up until well after the fair grounds have closed for the night.

Always blow a month's wages at the fair. Your family deserves to be fully entertained. What does it matter if the kids will eat nothing but government cheese and grape drink for the weeks following your night of enchanment? Their stomaches are small; they'll be fine subsisting on 500 calories a day for awhile.

If you have 10 or fewer teeth in your mouth, you LOVE the fair. This is your home away from home, and you should spend as much time as possible wandering up and down the midway while drinking malt beverages from plastic cups, scoring meth from the booth operators.

come on in

It's come to my attention (Thanks, Rachel)that I have failed to give a substantial visual update of our current residence.

Here's the kitchen. Note fridge already covered in papers and magnets and crap.

Here's the "nook". Isn't my new-to-me hutch cute? Big shout out to GG for providing the super cool denim place mats.

Family room and new olive drab sectional a la Mitchell.

Living room which is freshly painted but still filled with random crap and no furniture. I expect it to remain in this state for the next 2 to 3 years.

Upstairs loft aka the girls' room. Note super chic pink princess window covering. Jealous?

This is D's room. Notice T's black and white pillow? They are having difficulty sleeping apart.

T's room. Notice she did not get the metal bed set she was pining for.
-ps. My grandma is freaking out at all the unmade beds. =)

Our back yard is still a hazard, although it has seen progress.

things i do not aspire to be

• classroom teacher
• employee of the month
• member of the religious right
• neighborhood cool mom
• famous
• perfect wife
• perfect mother
• perfect anything

hold on there, pool man

I'm pulling out of my garage this morning at 7:56 and notice a back hoe, a raggedy contractor's truck and several contractor-looking dudes cruising in and out of my side yard gate.

Umm...Hello?

Oh. Hey, ma'am. (Really?)

Can I help you guys? (Of course I realize they're here to work on the pool, but shouldn't they have volunteered that info?)

Yeah. The pool....Working on the pool...

With this, he stumbles back through the front yard, disappearing through the gate. Really?



Highlights of the Pool Man's Visit:

• Watching the tall, skinny one chain smoke while jack-hammering, using an aerosol paint can, operating back hoe, and observing the other dudes install pool plumbing


• Appropriation of cool, banana boat-style, straw hat worker left in side yard


• Having retired neighbor hanging over back fence shouting at pool worker dudes


• Listening to them drill, scrape and hammer into the side of my freshly stuccoed & painted house as if they were trying to come through the wall


• 200 cigarette butts left in back yard after their departure

another day in paradise

Again we are living amidst boxes.

Yes, I'm happy to be finally getting out of the cracker box, away from strange apartment neighbors who divulge too much, away from paper-thin walls and 934 square feet of living space. Away from landscapers whose gas-powered leaf blowers start each Wednesday at 6 am, too forward neighbor kids who knock on unknown doors asking if there's anyone inside who would like to play, and individuals parking in my covered parking space.

But I have to keep reminding myself that I'm happy. Especially at times like last night when my head's about to explode from the frustration of being the only person packing a family of four and the girls are driving me crazy so I force them to bed at 7:17 even though dinner was a peanut butter sandwhich and a cup of apple juice and they're crying because they're still hungry and then Mitchell calls to let me know he's going to be out late because he's going to have a beer with John and is that okay? And I'm totally pissed but I say, "Yeah. That's fine" anyway and hang up and curse him for the next 40 minutes for being completely clueless.

whew

The fam and I just returned from another fabulous expedition to Mesa. As always, it was a truly stellar experience. I am so happy to be back in my crappy two bedroom apartment.

brandie crocker

I suppose I was feeling domestic this morning, and it being Valentine's Day I decided to bake some treats.

Red Velvet Cupcakes seemed to be called for on Happy Hearts Day. I didn't realize it'd look like a bowlful o'blood.



Here's the random, shrunken potato I discovered behind the Kitchen Aide. Clearly it's not often that I'm feeling domestic.

Red is pretty.



Fresh from the oven, they smelled pretty good.



I know you want one.
















The reason why I do these things....
(please disregard trashed living space)

hallelujah

Spot in which our tv used to sit

I cannot convey my thankfulness to Ray's In-Home Television Repair -- something of a misnomer since our tv had to be removed from our home in order to be fixed-- for making our family whole again. Tomorrow between 9 and 11 am they will return our tv to us. She has been absent from our home for what seems an eternity.

I will be waiting with bells on to welcome her home again.

in the bathtub

They are in the bathtub, shrieking and splashing.

Shouting and laughing, their bodies clunking against the fiberglass sides.

Reverberating throughout our boxlike apartment.

I wonder what the neighbors think,

As they are sure to notice the racket.

Probably believing we are a family of elephants

Who love to jam into our too small bathtub.

I do my best to fight the urge,

Rushing in, yelling.

Stifling their giggles with my need

To shout orders of SETTLE DOWN,

KEEP SOME WATER IN THE TUB!

Is that glass breaking? Bodies crashing to the floor?

I suppose I should hurry in there.

Checking for wounded.

I don't go in though.

I wait, still listening.

Fighting my urges.

To shout and yell about

Wet floors.

Wasted shampoo and conditioner.

Newly washed towels, laying in sopping heaps.

Wet toilet paper, drifting in the now cold bath water.

Wet footprint trails on the carpet along the hall.

They are out of the bathtub.

copy cat

Saw this on Naomi's blog and experienced a burning need to copy.

A - Attached or Single: Attached
B - Best Friend: Steph
C - Cake or Pie: Cake
D - Day of Choice: Tuesday
E - Essential Item: My laptop...both the work one and the personal.
F - Favorite Color: Red (warm reds no cold ones)
G - Gummi Bears or Worms: Both are VOMITOUS
H - Hometown: Glendale, AZ
I - Indulgence(s): Starbucks, mani/pedis, 400 thread count sheets
J - January or July: January: the quiet after the holiday storm... renewal... cold, dark days
K - Kids: dos
L - Life is Incomplete Without: Family
M - Marriage Date: June 26
N - Number of Siblings. One. A younger bro aka The Golden Child.
O - Oranges or Apples:

Apples, I love those blush-colored Galas.




P- Phobias or Fears: Too numerous to list entirely. Here are just a few: death (of self, children, husband, friends, democracy), heights, public metals.
Q - Quote(s): "It is what it is." No need to freak out. You can't change it anyway.
R - Reason to Smile: Girls, an empty house, The B's


S - Season: Spring
T - Tag Two: Naomi and Rachel (These are the only bloggers I know)
U - Unknown Fact About Me: I have a vascular lesion on the left side of my brain.
V - Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animal: Animal Oppressor...They are delicious!
W - Worst Habit: It's a tie: Picking the skin of my cuticules and interrupting people
X - X-Rays or Ultrasounds: Ultrasounds-love that ice, cold ultrasound lube
Y - Your Favorite Food: Asian
Z - Zodiac: Sagittarius