goodnight

For me endings are always difficult. The idea of letting go causes me to struggle to hold on even tighter, grasping to prolong the moment. An impossibility, I know. But I can't seem to help myself. I am unable to stop the tumult of images and deep-seated fears from rushing in and taking me in a head lock. I worry. About the pain being felt. The fears that must be present. The inevitable end the must and will come. The loss that those remaining will be left to contend with. I fight to remain rational. Act like a grown up. And yet still it trickles out. Settling between my shoulders. I wrestle it back again and trick myself into believing that it's not really forever. It's just for awhile. Not really a goodbye, but just a goodnight.