38

On this day, thirty-eight years ago, my parents were married.  They didn't have a big fancy wedding, but I hear it was one hell of an after party. 

Thanks to them for being a great example of how to make a marriage work. 

I love you guys. 

some days

Some days are better than others.  Some days he seems pretty okay.  I can almost forget on those days.  I'm able to see past it into our future. 

Some days are bad.  It's obvious that he's sick.  He's slow moving and looks like he hurts.  He's quiet and far away.  And nothing seems to help.

Some days I wish I knew the future.  The unknown is always what's most scary.  I wish I knew what would work.  Or how how to help. Or what to say.  But I don't know any of those things. 

regrouping

The only thing more difficult than admitting that you've allowed yourself to go "off the rails" so to speak is getting things back on track.  The going is slow and the road filled with potholes and obstacles.  I just have to remind myself that I am capable and reasonably intelligent and I will get it together.  Eventually.

Hopefully sooner.  Rather than later.

anticipation

• queasy, fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach
• fixation on elements I can't control
• tension in my shoulders
• constant  wondering, hoping, wishing
• persistent feeling of nervousness
• vomitous

tummy troubles

Mitchell is still having issues with his stomach.  He's lucky if he gets one dose of the chemo down each day.  Symptoms continue to range from a "sour stomach" to cramps to nausea to sudden exhaustion.  The visit with the nutritionist seemed to be helpful, but it doesn't change that he is constantly struggling.  It struck me the other day that Mitchell's been going through treatment as long as Hayden's been alive. 

11

Eleven doesn't like vegetables.  Or any meat other than "steak".  It doesn't want anything whole grain; white and processed is considered best.  Eleven will eat mashed potatoes but don't try to scallop or au gratin.  Things that 10 loved 11 despises. 

It would love a diet of items filled with sugar and red dye #5, anything processed and pre-packaged ... oh and gum (no mint flavored).