just smile and nod

Anytime Hayden and I make a public appearance, people ask me if this is my first. It doesn't matter if I have all 3 girls or just baby and me. Sometimes I answer; most of the time I just smile and nod.

People also love to ask if Hayden is a "good baby". This question confounds me. When was the last time a new mother had to deal with a cursing, thieving newborn? Sure Taylor never slept and most days I felt as though I was a prisoner of war, but she never assaulted me or stole money from my wallet. So all in all, I think she could be considered a pretty good baby.

I also think it's strange when complete strangers will approach me and not only gush over my unknown-to-them infant but also touch/stroke/poke my newborn with what I always assume are filthy, potentially germ-laden stranger hands while getting dangerously close to her face. Can you imagine how startling this has to be for her? Some complete stranger's doughy face 4 cm from her own? Breathing strange breath into her face, making weird, monster-like sounds and gestures? Terrifying.

I do my best not to place both hands in the middle of the person's chest and push them away with all my might. I keep my caustic comments to myself and most days I just smile and nod. Realizing that these are just one of the many joys of having an infant.

I guess I should just be thankful that people haven't yet begun to caution me about the difficulties of having 3 kids.

tender

You know how you've got one or two good friends that practically a million years can pass by without having seen one another, and when you do get back together it feels like no time has passed? There's no awkward silences. No boob-crushing squeezes. Just knowing glances and laughs exchanged... That is one of my favorite kind of friendships. Good to see you, sistah!

sometimes

• I feel unreasonably hostile.
• I don't want to be hospitable.
• I don't want to talk.
• I can't be sympathetic.
• I get tired of the whole thing.

cycle 2

Mitchell's second treatment cycle began this past Thursday. He went in to get the his 2 iv infusions and found out that the oral chemo he'd been taking had pushed his already high blood pressure way up. He ended up having to sit around and wait while they tried to get it down to a reasonable number. A few hours later he was finally getting his infusions--the oxycellin from last time plus the avastin. As with last time, he experienced the super-sensitivity to cold, numbess in his hands and feet, slight nausea plus an added bonus of chronic hiccups. So far his spirits are still fairly high. He was able to enjoy a Valentine's Day feast, but he is pretty worn out. As of now, he will get another PET scan after his 4th cycle to determine whether or not the chemo is killing the cancer.

snowy tuesday

Much to Dylan's delight, this is the scene that greeted us this morning. Mitchell helps with insulation.

9 days

I am mesmerized.

treatment milestone

Mitchell finished his first cycle of oral chemo today. Starting this evening he gets 7 days off. No drugs except the one he takes for his newly diagnosed high blood pressure. I'm hoping some of the side affects he's developed will go away fairly quickly so we can get a short reprieve before we begin round two.

welcome

Hayden Elizabeth arrived on Saturday, January 31, 2009 at 3:33 in the afternoon.

She weighed 6 lbs and 12.9 oz and is 19.25 inches long.

She entered the world wide-eyed and contemplative.

I can already tell she is wise beyond her years.